Change
by tromana
Summary: Sometimes, change is a little unnerving. There is such a thing as too much happening in one go, but Romana knew she could cope. Doctor/Romana. For kerravonsen.


**A/N: **So, this was written for kerravonsen, who kindly bid on my Help Chile auction over on LiveJournal. Thank you so much! I haven't been so inspired by a Doctor Who prompt for a long while, so I'm especially grateful on that front.

Anyway, I'll keep it brief. Enjoy, hopefully.

x tromana

* * *

**Title: **Change  
**Author:** tromana  
**Rating:** T  
**Characters: **Nine/Romana, Ten/Romana. (canon New Who companions, briefly)  
**Disclaimer:** Still not mine.  
**Summary: **Sometimes, change is a little unnerving. There is such a thing as too much happening in one go, but Romana knew she could cope. Doctor/Romana  
**Notes: **Written for kerravonsen, who requested an AU-verse where Romana survived the Time War in E-Space and is reunited with the Doctor. Thank you to Divinia Serit for betaing.

**Change**

She loved E-Space.

Really, she did.

Essentially, it was the pretty much exactly the same as N-Space. A little quieter , emptier perhaps and of course, all the co-ordinates were negative, but apart from that, it was quite lovely.

That's not to say it didn't have it faults. Solving the problem of the slave trade for the Tharils had been tough, though a challenge that Romanadvoratrelundar and her trusty K9 unit were more than capable of. It had taken years of dedication, hard work and a little danger in order to overthrow the dictatorship and allow the beautiful species to flourish and grow as it truly deserved. Of course, they'd learned a few lessons about how to live life from their woes, but that had meant life would truly be better for everyone now that order had been restored.

As for Romana, she had been treated like a queen by the Tharils for her part in their release. Biroc had tried to stop that kind of treatment, knowing it was something she loathed as it made her feel trapped, suffocated, but had been rather unsuccessful. It was almost as bad as when she had been travelling with the Doctor and he'd had the audacity to forget just how capable she was. Briefly, she had allowed herself to wonder whether or not he'd grown out of that habit as time progressed, but generally, she didn't allow herself to dwell on it. Thinking of a different Universe made her realise the little things that one missed when away from home, the slight differences you don't really notice unless you focus directly on them. The flavour of tea, the temperature of water, the mathematical equations…

The edge wore off once she had the ability to travel again, thanks to Biroc and she grew to love the place she'd decided to stay instead of returning to Gallifrey. As with N-Space, there was always plenty to see, plenty to do. It was like a little safe haven, an oasis of calm. And most importantly, there was no threat of being dragged off back to Gallifrey and being trapped in a pointless career, only discussing how to do things rather than actually _doing_ it.

Until now.

Something was wrong with the Universe. Time fluctuations, differences in distances. Fixed co-ordinates changing, when really they shouldn't because, well, they're _fixed _so the very definition of them meant they shouldn't. Civilisations flourishing and decaying before they should, whole worlds disappearing before their time.

It was unnerving.

And then there were the effects on Romana herself. The tension headache, omnipresent, thumping, making her feel a little cross-eyed. Her chest was tight, as if a rubber band was constricting her breathing, making her trachea ache for some kind of reprieve. But it wasn't the sensation of impending regeneration, oh no. That was more painful, more urgent. These symptoms were merely irritating, nagging. Telling her that something was wrong and she ought to take steps to do something about it.

The Tharils could sense it too and were growing agitated. Together, along with K9, they carried out experiments, took measurements, studied texts and the like. All the evidence provided one foregone conclusion: E-Space was slowly, but surely, disappearing.

Romana hadn't wanted to leave, not on her own, but the Tharils gave her no choice. It was K9 and Biroc who had organised the movement, practically throwing her into her travel capsule and setting the co-ordinates for her old home. She thought they hadn't done enough work in attempting to save the Universe, she swore she could have done more. And if it had come down to it and if she'd been given the opportunity, she'd have taken as many beings from the Universe as feasibly possible along with her, organised a mass exodus of E-Space. The idea that so many species and worlds were being destroyed for reasons unknown sickened her to her very core and not just because of the headaches and other symptoms she had been suffering from.

Still, when she arrived in N-Space, she knew she'd had little choice. Devastated for the loss of a Universe she now called home, she emerged, rather typically on planet Earth. Rain trickled down her face, finding the gaps in her clothing and drenching her to her very core. She knew she'd had little choice, but Romana couldn't help but think that there had to have been more she could do. But that wasn't at the forefront of her mind. In fact, her mind was pretty empty. She'd been so used to hearing the whispers of other Time Lords in the back of her mind, accompanying her even when things appeared to be at their most bleak. Instead, all she could hear was an unnerving silence. Something which felt overwhelmingly wrong.

What had happened to the Time Lords? What of Gallifrey?

***

She'd forgotten just how much bigger N-Space was.

She figured that she'd adjusted, changed to suit her new environment and now she has little choice but to change right back. Almost as soon as landed, E-Space had completely disappeared and Romana was torn between mourning and guilt, horror and relief at just how close she had come to dying with the pocket universe. It made her want to crawl into a ball, to hide away and cry for the losses that were completely out of her hands. She wanted to scream and rage at the sheer injustice of it all and try and pretend it never happened. To try and fill the emptiness in her head with something inane, like humans did with alcohol or sex, just to stop it from being so noticeable. But it was blatantly obvious that Biroc had saved her life and Romana wasn't quite sure how to deal with the knowledge, but she did know that because of his sacrifice, she couldn't waste her lives wallowing away in self-pity. The Tharil had been so noble, so proud and he'd sacrificed himself to ensure her safety.

Why?

Out of respect? As some kind of twisted payback for releasing the creatures from slavery?

Whatever the answer, Romana knew she was never going to get it. He was dead and gone and nothing she could do could ever change that. She'd looked into it, she'd tried, but it was under a time lock so impossible to break into, to fix. She may be a Lord of Time, but even she doesn't have the power to sort out something when the fact it happened was locked. Then again, she didn't exactly have the power to reinstate an entire Universe at the click of her fingers anyway.

Besides, she has bigger questions to answer. Such as what has happened to Gallifrey and its people.

The sheer difference in size wasn't the only problem when it came to re-adjusting to N-Space. It had changed, it was different to how she remembered it. Most beings would just put this down to faulty memory, her having idealising her home universe whilst away. But not Romana. She knew that her memory was impeccable, after all she wasn't that old and besides, she had already taken into account the progression of time in both universes. The problem was, things had changed _too much_.

Like in E-Space, certain societies had progressed and regressed at unexpected rates. Unlike E-Space, certain societies had disappeared altogether. Like the Daleks, the scourge of the universe. She couldn't say she regretted their disappearance, no a universe without Daleks was a blessed relief. But the idea that a species as sturdy as them could disappear in the blink of an eye is almost unthinkable, however hated they are.

With the found knowledge of the Daleks' disappearance from time and space, it didn't take long for her to discover that the Time Lords went the same way or to hear the whisperings of the words 'Time War'. It seemed to have managed to seep its way into every civilised society, however backwards it appeared to somebody with Romana's superior intellect. It certainly explained the differences she'd discovered upon her return to the universe and it stopped her from questioning just what would happen upon her people's discovery of her survival.

Though, it did make her hearts ache just a little too. Funny how you only really miss something once it's taken away from you.

She came across the Doctor entirely by chance.

She was on earth, trying to deal with yet another invasion by the Nestene Consciousness. Having identified her as a threat, the Autons had taken her down below the London Eye where she met a rather dense human named Mickey. Whilst she was trying to think of a rather brilliant plan, as was her forté, to get them all out of the problem, the Doctor came bumbling in, ranting and raving about the war. She wasn't so bitter about it, so she didn't see why the Doctor had any excuse to be. Then again, he had been present so she sensed that he was suffering from more than a little survivor's guilt. It was somewhat humiliating, but a teenage, bleached blonde human managed to salvage the situation and allowed them to escape the burning basement in the Doctor's TARDIS.

When Rose was comforting Mickey, the Doctor managed to confront Romana. She immediately recognised the hopeful look in his eyes. Though he had regenerated - probably several times - since she had seen him last, some things just never changed.

"Come with me," he asked, rather tentatively.

"No."

***

She still needed to be her own Romana, E-Space had taught her as much as that.

Saving worlds, the universe even, came as second nature to her now. Romana had had the time to hone her skills in E-Space and had she returned to her home universe earlier, she was certain she'd have been able to save Gallifrey. They'd never know now though. Besides, wallowing in the misery of other sentient life forms was a good distraction from her own. It allowed her to blot out the nagging feeling in the back of her skull that said that she was virtually alone, that she shouldn't exist, the she was an anomaly. With the Time Lords gone, she felt as though her head might as well have been chopped off. Sure, she could still sense time itself as she used to, but everything else seemed completely wrong and the only controlling measures she had were those she imposed on herself.

She knew that the Doctor had taken to travelling with humans still. There was Jack, who was fun, so she shameless borrowed him for a while. Romana didn't usually like cast-offs, but she had enjoyed K9's company for a long while and she had a feeling that anybody could be forgiven for making an exception for Jack. Jack, however, grew bored with the affair, in a typically human nature and soon left. After the Doctor regenerated, he shed Rose and replaced her with Martha. When the Doctor had begged Romana yet again to come with him, the medical student managed to look even more dejected and rejected, if that was feasibly possible.

But still, she said no. She wasn't ready, not yet. Travelling with the Doctor again would be akin to babysitting a hyperactive toddler who had access to some of the most powerful tools in the universe. Romana knew that she needed to accept her losses before she was willing to take on somebody like that again. And she would do so eventually, she knew she would. Whatever she said, she loved the incorrigible, capricious, magnificent creature that was the Doctor and she knew that he needed her help. But she could only give him what he needed when she was in a fit state to do so.

She next saw the Doctor shortly after the Titanic nearly crashed into Buckingham Palace. It was blindingly obvious that he was involved; only the Doctor would be able to try and save people by letting it get so obviously out of hand first. She cornered him in a little bar still selling mulled wine and mince pies despite the fact it was so late, needing to question what he had been thinking with that mess. It was relatively busy, but she figured that was something to do with the fact that these humans and their fleeting lives were celebrating yet another near miss when it came to aliens. If only they knew that they should really be watching each other rather than the skies for potential genocide.

"You change travelling companions like most sane people change their clothes."

Romana sat beside him, swilling her glass of the spiced liquid gently. They didn't need to say hello to each other, there was no need for them to be cordial. It was a lot easier to skip the niceties and just go straight for the conversation.

"That's a little low, Romana," he replied, still hurting at the loss of Astrid.

"It's true though."

"I guess."

"So…"

"Not yet."

She stood and nodded her farewell, turning so she didn't have to see the big brown puppy dog eyes he was currently hoping to sway her decision with. Instead she started to head towards the door, taking a deep breath as she did so.

"Next time?"

"Maybe."

She was actually feeling fine by the 'next' time. The Doctor, however, looked more broken than ever before. With a sigh, she told him to tell her exactly what had happened since she had seen him last. And he did so. How Donna had been the most important woman, or at least, human female, in the Universe. How he'd had to kill the woman she'd become, sacrificing her back into a life of fake interests and fickleness. He didn't need to mention it, but Romana could tell he still wasn't coping with the fact that Gallifrey was gone.

She slipped her hand into his own.

He smiled ever so slightly. Her hand felt so much more natural there than any of his most recent companions. They'd both changed, terribly so. He'd regenerated several times and she, well, she had grown in other ways instead. But still, out of everyone in the Universe he knew that Romana was one of only a handful of individuals who would help him heal the way he needed to.

It was time.

end


End file.
